Special day

Yesterday, I went to the wedding of a sweet girl(woman) who was one of Mom's nurses. I first met her in the ER a little over a year ago. She has been going to our church for many years, but I'd never had the pleasure of meeting her. Since Mom was in the ER several times before she died, I spent a good amount of time with R. She was such a blessing during the scariest of times in my life.
Just a bit of encouragement to those in the medical profession. You are doing a great service that you will never be properly compensated for. There isn't enough money out there to pay back the wonderful men and women that helped care for my mom. Not only did they care for her, but they gave me a peace that I didn't experience very often in those days. It was such a relief to get a break from the responsibility of caring for her.
Anyway, it was a beautiful wedding and R looked like a princess. I literally gasped when I saw her. Absolutely, picture perfect. I felt so blessed to be included in her special day.

I'd planned on ending this blog on July 19th. However, with Grandma moving in with us the following week, I think it might be interesting to continue. I'd like the focus at that point to be caring for the elderly. My grandma is believed to have Parkinson's Disease.(I say "believed" because she hasn't had an official diagnosis yet) She hasn't been doing well the last week, so I'm not really sure what to expect regarding her care. I will be doing a lot of research on the subject and I intend to provide my findings here.

Another sad day

Today has been especially rough. Yesterday the body of Jessie Davis , a sweet, happy looking pregnant woman was found. Apparently, another woman and her baby killed by her boyfriend and father, respectively. I've been following this case along with the rest of the country for over a week. For me, this is way too close to home. Literally, she was found in a park that I frequent with my kids. I was filled with such sorrow when I read the news. I wept for this poor girl and her family. It's so hard to comprehend that she was murdered by someone she loved and trusted. What is mind blowing is the fact that pregnant women are an "at risk" group for spousal abuse and murder.
I'm certain that as with Lacy Peterson, the sordid details will be coming out in the next few weeks. The "explanation" of why a man would do this. However, there is no reason that will ever be good enough. How do you explain to a child that Daddy killed Mommy. Families have been destroyed. Not just Jessie's, but the other children of this "man", his wife(estranged), co-workers and the community. It's impossible to not be touched by this.
Days like this make me ask "How long will you tarry Lord?". How much more can He take of our sin and insanity? What is this world coming to when we kill our babies?
I went to the grocery store today. Friday when I was there, a poster of Jessie was on the door. Today the void that picture left was enormous. All hope is lost for this life. The prayers for her safe return, unanswered. We are left to pray for peace for her family. What we're asking for is a miracle. Where is the peace for a mother left to raise her grandson. Haunted by images of her dear baby murdered. Only the grace of God can keep her from being filled with hatred towards the man responsible. So, I pray. Because there is nothing else I can do. And really, what is more powerful that beseeching our Creator on their behalf.

Tattoos

I decided this week that on the anniversary of Mom's death, I'm getting the tattoo that I've been saying I was going to get for years now. I have a design in mind, but haven't put it to paper yet. I'd like it to represent the pain, growth and renewal of life. Not an easy task. When I told DH my plan he decided to do the same. He couldn't decide what he wanted to honor Mom with though.
From the time Mom met DH, over 20 years ago, she always told him he had so much potential. He has worked very hard over the years to try and live up to what she saw in him. He feels as though he failed her in many ways and has a really hard time with the fact that she'll never see him "succeed"(in his eyes, not hers) So, I suggested that he get the Chinese character for "potential". He loved the idea and did a little research to find it. So in a little over a month, DH and I will be getting our tattoos. Luckily, both of our kids will be away at camp that week. My DD has already voiced her disapproval, so I'd rather not have to hear a lecture. :) Although, I'm putting mine on my hip, so she won't see it.
Our suite renovation for Grandma is coming along nicely. The contractors finished up this week so the rest is up to us. I've already gotten some painting done, but still have a few more days of work. DH has to finish the bathroom. That's on the agenda for next weekend. The closer to moving day it gets, the more excited about the plan I am. I had another run in with the witchy nurse at the center this week. It really solidified in my mind that this is the right decision. Not that it mattered at this point!

Mom's birthday

Anther milestone has passed and I survived. I woke up at 6am yesterday and my first thought was "today is Mom's birthday" which led to "she's gone". Gotta say, not a great way to start the day. Within a few minutes I was waking up DH with my crying.
I had planned a busy day, which saved me from wallowing. I had my sisters, niece and nephew over for "Kids' Camp". The kids spent the morning in the pool. We played games, had "spider sandwiches" for lunch and colored pictures before a huge storm blew in. I love thunderstorms, so did Mom. (She was actually born during a tornado that hit the hospital.) So, I took the kids on the porch and we watched the street flood and the hail bounce off the grass. The weather was too yucky to drive in, so they stayed for dinner. We ordered pizza and watched "Bug's Life".
By the time they left, I was exhausted. I fell asleep before I knew it, without the help of meds. This was nice, because lately I haven't been able to sleep without them.
Nothing new with my meds. I have another appointment with the doctor to check in. I think I'm doing pretty well. I've been emotionally stable now for over a month. It no longer seems odd to me that I'm happy. I'm still dealing with my ice cream addiction without success. The meds don't seem to be helping that at all.