Closing in

The day is closing in. The anniversary of Mom's death. Scripturally, I should say "new life", but it still feels like death to me. I just reread all my previous posts. Wow, is that depressing. I really wouldn't recommend it. However, it does show me that there has been improvement. That was my reasoning for starting this blog. A record of the journey. Some days it was really ugly and bitter. Others it was the weight of sadness. Some were pure anger. But that was my year.
I am a different and I hope better person now. My greatest prayer is that my mom would be proud of how I've handled it. She told me to take care of my siblings and I've really tried to be there for them. It's hard because I'm their big sis, not Mom. I've tried to be the best, most available big sis I can be. This year has given me a new love for all of them. They are so different. I've always known this, but this year I've spent more time interacting with them as individuals. I have to cling to them more now than I did when Mom was alive. She kept us together. Our love for her was the anchor of our family. Now we really have to make an effort to stay in touch. This is a joy and a challenge. They are truly all the family I have. Yes, I still have Grandma, but she's slipping away(mostly mentally). I guess I still have my step dad, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm grateful for my sisters and brother more than I ever was when Mom was here. That would make her happy. She always wanted us to be close because she wasn't close to her sister.
Once again I'm considering ending this blog next week. Not because I don't want to blog, but I want this journey to be saved by itself. Obviously, it's a huge part of me now. However, I like the idea of encapsulating this year. It's a reference point for my life now. Just like all the other major events. So, after next week, I will add a new "chapter" to my blog life. Now I have to start thinking of a more original name.