15 to go

I've decided to continue this blog until the anniversary of my mom's death. Not too much longer. My dh has suggested I seek professional help in dealing with my grief. Apparently, I'm a bit "edgier" and more prone to nervous breakdowns(not literally) than before. I've considered it, even considered seeking out some meds to help. However, I've decided to wait until the year is up. I've given myself the full year to grieve and if I still can't cope, then I'll try something else.
I think part of the problem is that I'm not the same person I was before. For better and for worse. A lot has happened, it's impossible to not change. I'm not as happy as I used to be. If it's possible, I'm more pessimistic. I do appreciate the good things more now.
My good friend just had a dear friend of hers die. We was 35. Way too young. He left behind two babies and a wife. I can't imagine her pain. As much loss as I've experienced this year...that I cannot fathom. So, I appreciate what I have a little more. I think that's something that death really tries to teach us. Appreciate who you have now, because they won't be here forever. Too often I treat the people I love the most like there is always more time. More time to be a little nicer, to apologize, to hug and kiss them. "There are no guarantees", Death says. When are we going to really listen?